Do you know how chronically unsupported you are?

Note: I’m repositioning my Substack as a personal blog, to share all the inner workings of my mind and soul. Well, maybe not all - but certainly things that I won’t be sharing on Instagram or my weekly newsletter. If you suddenly find yourself getting more mail from me than usual and you are not happy about it - do not feel afraid to unsubscribe.

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We begin

This question “do you know how chronically unsupported you are?” has been floating around in my brain for the past few days. We are recently home after a week spent campervan-ing in a field with 50 other families. Our first “home-ed camp” - and this one was specifically aimed at unschooling families.

Unschooling = self-directed, child-led, or autonomous learning, whereby the adult is not the authority on what is being learnt.

I’m not sure if we will follow a strictly “unschooling” path, but we are certainly inspired by the exploration of dynamics between us and our child when it comes to learning, and the power of autonomy and experimentation.

I am also reluctant to ever put myself into a ‘label’ box because everything is nuanced, and I don’t do well with being dictated to by a philosophy or political ideology. I believe we can take what's useful from any of those things and leave the rest, in order to shape a life that feels authentic and aligned with our own self.

And that, really, is what true learning is (to me) - the ability to receive an experience or a piece of information, and use our own discernment and felt sense to hold onto what is going to be useful for us.

We really didn’t know what to expect before we rocked up at Camp Kindred. Mostly we were looking forward to speaking to other parents who were further along the path than us, and having a week full of social opportunities for our daughter who, at 3.9yrs, is still delighted to be attached to us most of the time and couldn’t really care less about other children.

The overwhelming experience we were left with was the sense of both explicit support and the real magic - implicit support.

The unspoken magic that can only be found among a community of like-valued individuals.

And I don’t say like-minded because truly, I don’t think that is what really connects us. We don’t have to think the same in order to get on. But having the same values of care, honesty, compassion, openness, and trust, is what enabled something so powerful - safety.

That safety showed up in so many ways: adults checking in on other people’s children because they could sense they might need a check-in. Spaces being held that didn’t need a contract of confidentiality because the sacredness of the space invited it. Queue’s for washing-up being a welcome invitation for a conversation and moment to get to know someone. Expression through sound, movement, tears, laughter, and hugs, allowed and accepted as the norm.

To be honest, I was a little (a lot) surprised at how much this sense of safety in community fed my soul. It was like there had been a deep longing or craving that I wasn’t really aware of, that was suddenly being met.

I had this impression of myself that I enjoyed alone time, that I like being in my house, and that socialising was this tiring awkward thing I had to do. Which is slightly ironic because everyone in my life tells me how sociable I am - so my inner world doesn’t necessarily match my outer expression. And - I have been proven wrong.

I think part of what make socialising tiring is the quality and space we have to socialise. Knowing you have two hours, with many small person interruptions throughout - it’s hard to really receive that nourishment from connection that is so resourceful.

During camp, it didn’t matter if we got pulled away, because we knew there was time. So we could pick up where we left off, or just start somewhere new - or better still, simply be with each other in solidarity of living through this chapter of life and holding space for our children (and ourselves), in a big way.

Sadly, camp was only 5 days long. We have returned to the noise of London, the noise of our stuff, the noise of work, and the noise of our minds trying to figure out how we can find our way to that community again.

(and there are many wonderful things about life I am grateful for, it’s not only noise)

This question: do you know how chronically unsupported you are? - is one that I ask, not to depress you. Or to invite you to dwell in the victimhood of modern life. But to question, and challenge why we have come to accept this.

Sometimes we are just swimming in the sea of normality that we don’t know it can be any different. And that is the gift of this experience, to know that it can be different. I am curious if other people access this sense of safety from being part of a religious community or something similar? For me, it felt like the key elements were the shared values, and the proximity to living alongside one another.

Why are we okay with carrying the load of our lives without this kind of safety and support?

I am a firm believer that the way it is, is not the way it needs to be.

I don’t have all the answers today, but the calling has become clear. And I have opened my heart, with some fear and apprehension, to being shown the way and the details when the time is right.

For today, community can be built with neighbours, and giving a little less energy to our screens, and a little more to those around us. As for the future, well we shall see. I don’t think this is only a calling for the contrarians among us, I think we will have to see change. The individualisation of our lives is creating division, illness, and pain - it can’t be unsustainable.

It has become abundantly clear that I am here to be shown how to thrive in community. To feel the kind of safety I want to feel for myself, my inner child, and my present child.

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Let us create community here. All personal experience and views are welcome. If you enjoyed this post and would like to read more like it, hit subscribe to feed my ego and your inbox 😉. Big love - always, Charlotte