The Lesson of the Squished Playdough
“Daddy, here’s a lemon”
Eyes water, lip quivers… “Daddy, you aren’t supposed to roll the lemon”
I witnessed what I believe was my partner’s first experience of the lesson of the squished playdough.
The lesson of the squished playdough is really about presence and attention, and these are the mini lessons I learnt from similar interactions to the above:
When a child (or adult) engages you in a game (or conversation), decide whether you are actually available for that or not. If you’re not, you won’t listen, you won’t respond with care, you won’t be able to join their world of imagination. It is also okay to be honest about not being available - “I need to finish xyz, you’ll have my full attention in 3 minutes” is infinitely more loving than half attention.
For a lot of my life I do not default to being present to the moment that is occurring. Squishing the playdough is not just a natural instinct kicking in, it is a representation of missing the richness of the experience in the moment. With intention and practice, your capacity to be present can change - something I am in the process of currently (and maybe always) and look forward to sharing more about.
It hurts to be ignored, misheard, or misunderstood. I don’t believe we have to protect our child from every hurt in their life, but some - like playdough shops - are unnecessary hurts and a missed opportunity for that moment to be one of real connection and play.
While I have learnt my lesson in this very specific context, these half-in half-out interactions happen across my life. As I expect they do for any of us who have a phone, a job, relationships, or any chores to stay on top of.
This has prompted me to write another article specifically about play, attention, and presence - so much learning has happened since becoming a mother! For the time being these are two things I have found to be helpful in improving my presence and attention specifically when playing.
One, setting a timer, just for myself for a length of time that I am committing to be focused, present, and engaged.
Two, setting an intention. Intentions are powerful & bring conscious awareness to what is going on. So even if I spend some time being distracted, I am more aware of it, and that alone brings in more choice to change.
Have you had a squished playdough scenario, or something similar?
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